Reality Check

MS has been easy, definitely not a huge struggle for these 20 years.  I am getting my first doses of reality now.

When I started this blog, I had thought I would be following my progress as I fought to stay physically strong.  That process has a definite ebb and flow…  with emphasis on the ebb.  I was quick to think I could do anything in my own physical strength.  What do you do as that diminishes? 

I am losing my balance much more often.  I am wondering how cool I can look sporting a cane – even checked some out online.  It just seems that this wave of the disease is coming at me with tsunami like strength, seeking to drown me.

Oh, that is so dramatic!  Normally, I am a terminal optimist.  I hate the way I am feeling about this.

This past week, I did a regimen of steroid treatments.  Dr. Kita tells me that many people do this on a monthly or quarterly basis for the physical boost it gives them.  I have done steroids in the past for a few exacerbations with no problems at all.  This time, it really affected my sleeping.  Horrible insomnia.  I was prescribed Ambien to get rest, but it left me feeling very wiped out.  Exhausted yesterday, I gave in and took Ambien again last night, and finally got my first good night of rest in a week.  Maybe it wasn’t the Ambien that was making me feel so weak.

On a side note,  steriods give you the munchies.  I like that part of it.  I have a bag of fritos to demolish today.

Keep me in your prayers.  I will return in my next post as the indomitable, terminal optimist.  I am learning a new thing about trusting God.  He has always proven his faithfulness to me, and I know that I will find my strength in him.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  ~ Jeremiah 29:11

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1 Comment

  1. Billie Jo Robbins said,

    September 10, 2010 at 1:33 pm

    Aww…I hear ya Nita’!….There is such a fine balance in being optimistic, and realistic. I am more of a realist…but that sometimes gets misconstrued as pessimistic…and it is easy to go there also. You do what you can do, you try what you can try, and let God handle the rest?….It is not an easy thing, and I know where you are at…for I feel I am at a similar point. I am seriously considering carrying a cane also, in my purse, “just in case”…on those bad days…but it has brought up such emotion and conflict in me…and it is hard for others to understand…You are in my prayers, as always…Message me anytime…


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